To All Artsy Film Makers
Pick. Up. The. Fucking. Pace.
I understand it’s a difficult time nowadays if you are true creative filmmaker, surrounded by uninspired sequels, remakes and live-action versions of television shows from the 60’s. I understand that from a picture to picture basis, the quality of a movie has been compromised in exchange for movies guaranteed to bring in box office shattering revenue. I get it, it’s frustrating for audiences too. We often go to a movie, enjoy the hell out of it while its happening, maybe pick up a few choice phrases we can repeat to our peers or coworkers for a few weeks while the movie is still hot, but eventually most of the movies fade to the background. Half a year down the road, when the movie is out on DVD, we think to ourselves “Oh yeah, I saw that. It was alright, I guess.” No life-shattering, profound moments; only exciting mediocrity which is eventually makes it to the $4.99 Previously Viewed bin at Blockbuster.
However, your response to this increasingly common phenomenon has been equally infuriating.
When the award season has rolled around the past few years, people have been confused as all hell. More often than not, most people haven’t seen or maybe even heard of three out of the five movies nominated for best picture. It’s reasonable to assume why; Pirates of the Caribbean 3, while entertaining, isn’t winning any Oscars. However, it seems to me that Academy voters, desperate to seem refined and counter to the culture of empty commercial films, pick independent or small budget artsy movies in order to come off as seeking something with substance. Which is fine, except the movies that you keep on picking are boring as shit.
I have now seen 4/5 movies that were nominated for Best Picture earlier this year, and here’s my quick review of each;
Atonement: Nice dress, hot sex, overall unimpressive and dull. Oh look, twist ending…meh.
Juno: Funny, heartwarming, delightful. Short and sweet. Loved it.
No Country for Old Men: Boring…boring…okay this is a bit scary…boring…
There Will Be Blood: I spent the entire time just hoping each scene was the last. I just wanted the tedium to end.
Now I know there were a lot more movies nominated for other categories, but this was supposed to be the cream of the crop with respect to all aspects of filmmaking in 2007. Let’s see; Atonement, No Country for Old Men, and There Will Be Blood, all snoozefests and all clocking it in at 2 hours plus, while Juno was witty and fun, and managed to wrap it up in an hour and a half. And I’m pretty sure there was only an hour and a half worth of story for all of them. So why are so many movies dragging it out (and more importantly, dragging me down?)
What I’m seeing is an attempt for filmmakers to revolutionize the cinematic style by making scenes “more real,” “more authentic,” etc. They will show an action in its entirety to try and emulate real life, ESPECIALLY ones where it’s just one person doing something with little to no dialogue at all. Let me explain something; the only time I care about the second to second of these fictional people’s lives is when it’s Jack Bauer’s life working for CTU and there’s no time before the bomb goes off, damn it! I do not need to see somebody realize something bad is happening, watch the long arduous journey to the place where the bad thing is happening, watch his real-life attempt at overcoming minor obstacles, and then finally make it to the place where the bad thing is happening. Realization, arrival, done! That’s all that’s needed, because the in-between is boring. It’s fine if you have one slow paced scene in a movie, but to make the entire movie feel like watching paint dry is NOT art. If I wanted to experience the mediocrity that is living moment to moment, I wouldn’t be watching a movie!
The point of cinema is to escape your reality for a couple of hours. One can still get a poignant message across to an audience in under two hours, and chances are the message will stick better because they won’t be sleeping through the last half. Now there are some 2+ hour movies that were fantastic, which off the top of my head include Silence of the Lambs, Erin Brockovich, Philadelphia, American Beauty, A Few Good Men, The American President and Gandhi, just to name a few that I’ve watched recently. But they had quicker pacing, more interesting storylines, drama, thrills, wit, history, romance, but most importantly, they kept the movie moments in and the real-life boring moments out!
The next “real” movie I watch better be really interesting, because the “quality” that has been presented to me of late has been a real turn off. And that’s what I’ll do the next time I see I’m in for another slow paced shitfest; I’m turning it off.
Hahaha This is so true. I used to watch movies all the time but it seems like I just don’t like any of the movies out anymore. So I watch TV instead. C’mon it’s not like I’m gonna do something constructive with that time.
Indeed. Did you see the film “the darjeeling limited”?
I thought it was excellent, but apparently most people did not find it entertaining in the slightest. Perhaps this is because one was asked to *gasp* infer some of the background!
God forbid a film maker ask his audience to think!
Thanks for the comment, by the way.
I have a very good friends who just got accepted to McGill so I know a tad about Canadian university. He’s graduating from Lester B. Pearson here in a few weeks, excellent guy, really.